Saturday, April 27, 2019

A love lost

When I decided to relocate to Hyderabad last August, I was looking forward to going back to the city that taught me so much though, in a harsh way. But I guess, it was needed for me to come into my own, a realization that came as hindsight. Most of my Hyderabad memories are occupied with the gruelling hours at a demanding job, the utter sense of loneliness as I searched for a familiar face in the crowd, and a lack of comforting hug when I was down and out. Often, I questioned myself if I needed this misery when I had the choice to go back and live an easy life. But, I stuck on.

This city gave me a taste of flavours of friendship and betrayal; never knew disloyalty would teach me to love thyself. Its conservative construct was suffocating and annoying. When I was hunting for a rented house, I answered some ridiculous questions from the house owners. They asked me about my caste, why did I choose a profession that had weird timings and how could my parents send me to a city where I did not have any relatives! I never understood these people. The days passed by and I made friends, all of them non-Hyderabadis though that was never the plan. I guess, our comradery was strengthened over our failed attempts to adapt to the ways of the city.

Twelve years back when I was leaving the city, I was sad because even though I still felt like a stranger, I was content in my tiny world and the people in it. The feeling of starting all over again felt heavy. I was eager to return after my three-month stint in Bangalore. But little did I know that I would be sucked into that vibrant milieu within a week. I was re-introduced to the feeling of belonging to a place after Khurda Road, a small town where I grew up.

It's been six months since I returned to Hyderabad, but still, the unsettling feeling doesn’t leave me. This city has changed so much that I don’t recognize it any more. The broad roads, tall buildings, numerous shopping malls and companies. Yes, the city has changed, cosmetically. However, people are still the same. The house owners still feel it’s their prerogative to barge into your personal life by asking questions with no relevance. The crassness of people irrespective of their exposure to corporate culture, their ignoble idea of being funny is to crack a personal joke, their judgmental nature of people (read women) influenced by the misogynistic outlook, amaze me. But, I met some nice people too. These days when goodness is a virtue that is fast disappearing, these are like the fresh breath of air and so much needed on a tough day.

Every place has a personality made by the people who live in it. I don’t get Hyderabad’s personality. Or perhaps, I have moved on, my preferences have changed. Or, maybe the only way I can explain this is when you visit your relatives, some treat you well and some give you a cold shoulder. Hyderabad, for me, is the latter kind of relative.


4 comments:

  1. Oh, well as they say Fate chooses our relatives and we choose our friends. Waiting for you to come back babes...

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  2. That's the plan. Hope that happens soon.

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  3. That's what I am trying to do. But sometimes the pettiness around can be overwhelming especially when you can't pretend. You have gone above all this :) I strive to be there some day.

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  4. Great read Sudha. I could relate a lot!!

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